A week ago today the mother of a close friend passed away, so we spent the next three days with her and her family. Visitation at the funeral home, funeral and gathering after at the house.
I know by now if you read my blog you are aware that I am from the South. If someone is sick or passes away the food magically appears, that is because we want to make things better, easier for those who are going through trials. Friends call or drop by and they are usually carrying a casserole, a cake or fried chicken. What can I bring? What do you need? By the time the family gathers after the funeral there is enough food to feed a small army. Sharing a meal takes your mind off what you are feeling, just for a bit. The term "comfort food" should surely mean "that brought in after you suffer the loss of a loved one."
Some may say why do that, why get together after a funeral? It is healing for one thing. "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" as Truvy said in "Steel Magnolias". It is so true. While the pain is still all too real and does not go away in an afternoon, it is set aside long enough to share memories with friends and loved ones. While you may begin a story crying in grief, most times you end it with laughter or at least a smile. That is one of the sweetest things God gives us, Memories.
When we attended the funeral of my friends mom, they played several songs. One was a recording of "Dirty Dishes" by Scotty McCreery. Now many folks may think that is a silly song for a funeral, but let me tell you it was perfection. This was a woman who raised five children, and was blessed with a house full of grandchildren and great grandchildren - when the song was playing I could see the expression on the faces of family members as they surely pictured this woman and each one had their own private and special memory of her while listening to the words.
I suppose what I am saying is we have no choice but to live the life we are given. We should be open to the blessings in every part of it - even the pain. Through that pain we realize we were given a gift of a loved one, whether it is a husband, brother in law, mother or any other. The pain is real and it reminds us we are still among the living, otherwise we would not be hurting. Eventually the pain softens, I will not say it goes away, but it is replaced with sweet memories. In our mind and hearts we can be with our loved ones anytime we want. We can recall conversations we shared, walks we took together, special events in our lives, anything and everything about them. My grandmother has been gone almost 20 years and I can bring her to me anytime I choose. I can see the twinkle in her eyes, hear her voice and smell her Ponds cold cream.
Healing comes one day at a time, and however many days it takes is different with every person. But if you are fortunate to have friends and family who care, you are not alone while you travel that road. They will be there with cards, calls, to fix whatever you need, to do yard work, whatever you ask. And on a good day you can sit and perhaps share a meal and some memories - and maybe just maybe some laughter.
